


Falling asleep

by PearlRuby



Category: Ratched (TV)
Genre: Comfort, Emotional Support, F/F, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:08:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26993422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PearlRuby/pseuds/PearlRuby
Summary: Gwendolyn helps Mildred to overcome her night-time fears.
Relationships: Gwendolyn Briggs/Mildred Ratched
Comments: 2
Kudos: 131





	Falling asleep

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, I just want to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who left such lovely comments on my first fanfic. I was so nervous to post it, but you were all so sweet and it truly means the world to me.   
> This is another fairly simple one-shot. It's a sort of companion story to 'Waking up', but you don't have to have read that to read this one. The tone here is a bit darker than 'Waking up', but hopefully there's still a suitable amount of fluff for you to enjoy.

If Mildred could, she would gladly spend all day lying in bed with Gwendolyn.

In a world where they have to keep their relationship a secret from outsiders, the bed seems like a haven. It's a place that’s entirely their own, a place where they can talk, and cuddle, and kiss, and make love, without worrying about anyone else. During the day, Mildred is convinced that the bed is the most perfect place in the world.

It’s when night falls that she starts to find it decidedly less appealing.

Sleep has never been pleasant for Mildred. For as long as she can remember, she’s gone to bed with an uneasy feeling in her stomach, scared of the haunting visions waiting for her when she falls asleep. The knowledge that in a short time she’ll be waking up in a haze of panic, drenched in sweat and gasping for breath, has meant that there have been many nights when she’s seriously contemplated not going to sleep at all, only giving in when exhaustion completely consumes her.

Being with Gwendolyn has undoubtedly made things easier. Ever since Mildred found this hitherto unknown sense of security and love, her nightmares have started to become less frequent, and there have even been occasions where she’s managed to sleep through the entire night. But even so, she still finds it difficult to subdue the sense of dread that fills her as she prepares to go to sleep, the fear that tonight will be the night when another terrifying dream takes root in her mind.

She’s sitting in bed now, forcing herself to take slow, deep breaths as she waits for Gwendolyn to come out of the bathroom. This has become a ritual of hers; trying to construct an illusion of calm before Gwen emerges, so that she won’t have to burden her lover with her worries. But tonight she’s finding it particularly difficult to compose herself, and as soon as Gwendolyn walks in, it’s clear that she’s sensed Mildred’s distress. In the time they’ve been together, Gwendolyn has become remarkably intuitive when it comes to Mildred’s moods; it’s a necessary skill, since Mildred rarely talks about her feelings voluntarily.

Careful not to move too quickly or do anything that might alarm Mildred, Gwendolyn walks over to the bed and perches on the edge. She gently takes Mildred in her arms and pulls her close, allowing Mildred to rest against her shoulder.

“What’s the matter, darling?” she whispers. Mildred juts out her jaw stubbornly, upset at herself for not concealing her feelings more effectively.

“Nothing.” She attempts to sound nonchalant, but her voice breaks on the last syllable of the word, betraying her true emotions. Gwendolyn raises an eyebrow.

“I know you well enough to know that that isn’t true, and I would hope that you know me well enough to know that I’ll always want to help you with your problems. You don’t have to deal with everything alone, you know.”

Mildred takes a deep breath as she prepares to speak. Even after all this time, bearing her soul still feels unnatural to her. She’s far too accustomed to hiding, lying, burying her true self so completely that she often feels like a stranger in her own mind. But she knows that if there’s one person she can trust to see that true self, in all it’s complexity, and still love her, that person is Gwendolyn.

“I just ... it’s the nightmares. They make me so scared to go to sleep. Every night, I keep worrying about what I might see when I close my eyes.”

Gwendolyn presses a kiss to Mildred's temple, and wraps her more tightly in her arms.

“Thank you for being honest with me, darling. Is there anything I can do to help? I hate to think of you suffering like this.”

Mildred bites her lip, uncertain how to respond.

“I’m not sure what would help. I’ve never talked to anyone about it before. It always seemed so childish.”

“You’re not childish, Mildred,” Gwendolyn assures her, “You’ve been through a lot in your life, it’s only natural that you struggle with things like this. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t things that will help, though. Here, let me make you some camomile tea. It will help you to relax.”

She kisses Mildred’s cheek and disappears off to the kitchen, returning a few minutes later holding a steaming cup. She hands the cup to Mildred and sits back down beside her, waiting patiently as Mildred sips at the tea. Mildred is surprised to find how much she likes it; even the scent of it is pleasantly calming.

“It’s good.” she tells Gwendolyn between sips.

“I’m glad,” Gwendolyn smiles and gives her arm a comforting squeeze, “Try to drink all of it.”

Mildred obliges, quickly finishing the drink. Gwendolyn takes the empty cup and places it on the bedside table, before lying down on the bed and gently pulling Mildred down with her. She pulls the blankets over them both, and then holds Mildred tightly to her chest.

“Try to breathe deeply now,” she instructs Mildred, “and think calming thoughts. You’ll sleep better if you’re more relaxed.”

Mildred nods, and focuses on keeping her breathing steady. Gwendolyn strokes her hair, and quietly hums a tune that Mildred doesn’t recognise. Mildred uses the sound to ground herself, letting the calming melody seep through her.

“Will you talk to me?” she asks after a while. “About anything. I like to listen to your voice.”

Gwendolyn chuckles.

“As a matter of fact, I do know a very good story I could tell you. It’s about a press secretary who falls in love with a beautiful nurse.”

Mildred beams up at her.

“I think I’ll like that one.”

Gwendolyn is silent for a moment, deep in thought as she continues to stroke Mildred’s hair.

“Do you know the moment I first started to fall in love with you?” she asks finally, “It was on the very first day I saw you, when you were getting your picture taken with the governor. When you told him not to put his hand on you. It was such an illuminating moment for me. I’d been working for him for years, spending day after day putting up with him making lewd comments about me and slapping my ass as I walked past. I was never bold enough to speak out about it; I always assumed it was something I had to just ignore. But when I heard you speak to him like that, it was like a whole new world had been opened up for me. You made me realise that I didn’t just have to passively exist while other people told me how to live, that I could have a say in the way my life went. And everything I’ve learned about you since then has confirmed my initial impression of you as the bravest person I’ve ever met.”

Mildred is too overwhelmed to speak. She’s not used to this feeling of being loved so deeply, of being so important to someone. She takes Gwendolyn's face in her hands and presses their lips together, hoping to convey through the kiss what she doesn’t know how to put into words. Gwendolyn kisses her back so fiercely and lovingly that Mildred’s head starts to swim, her thoughts scrambling as she surrenders to the force of Gwendolyn’s love. When they finally break apart, they both keep their eyes closed for a moment, breathing heavily and holding tightly on to each other.

“And that’s why I know that you can deal with these nightmares, Mildred,” says Gwendolyn after a while, continuing her earlier speech, “You’re so much stronger than you realise. But I need you to understand that you never have to deal with them alone. No matter how bad the nightmares get, I’ll always be here to hold you when they’re over. You’re not on your own anymore.”

And Mildred knows, deep in her heart, that those words are true. After a lifetime of loneliness and fear, she finally has someone to help her through the darkness. It’s an unfamiliar feeling, but one she’s more than willing to get used to.

“Gwen?” she mutters after a few minutes of silence.

“Yes, darling?”

“I think I’d like to sleep now. Will you keep holding me for a while?”

“Of course. All night, if you want me to.”

“I love you.” Mildred’s voice is already heavy with sleep.

“I love you too.”

Mildred snuggles deeper into Gwendolyn’s arms, and allows herself to drift off to sleep. She doesn’t know what will be waiting for her in her dreams, but she finds that she doesn’t care so much anymore. Whatever terrors the night may bring, she can face it knowing that she’ll wake up in Gwendolyn’s arms in the morning.


End file.
